Monthly Archives: November 2014

The Cure for a Spinning Mind

God is so, so funny. Do you find that? I do.  All the time. We are heading into my very, very favorite time of the year. Better even than my birthday. (And that’s saying a LOT.) I love the holidays. I love Thanksgiving. And I love, love, love Christmas. I’ve tried to figure out why I get so excited about it. It’s the story of God’s love. It’s sparkle. It’s family. It’s cozy. It’s just fabulous. By now, you may be wondering what does that have to do with the humor of God. Hang in there with me.

Every year I start buying presents months in advance. As soon as I see something I think someone would like, I buy it. Because you know it will not be available later! And I start the official planning in mid-October. I do a little bit each day. It really brings me joy. The anticipation builds. Love it.

This year, however, I’m struggling. There are so many unknowns that I do not know how the holidays will play out. Planning a menu? Figuring out the meal “accessories?” Usually quite fun. This year, not so much.

My in-laws are experiencing some health problems. My mother-in-law will actually be in the hospital on Thanksgiving recovering from surgery. We have a bit of a plan. I’m making the turkey and taking it to my sister-in-law’s house. But other than that, I do not know. But there is a framework of a plan, so I’m good with that.

Christmas, not so much. My older son is waiting to hear on a job he applied for. He is a strong candidate, but won’t know until well into December. So, will he have time to come home over Christmas? And my younger son lives in another city and has a full-time job. Will he be able to come on a different date if Son #1 is not available? Will we all go down to California if Son #1 gets the job and can’t come here? And what about our extended family? We usually get together on a different day to have a party with gift exchange. If we go to California, will we miss that? And I already have my gift. See? I am totally lacking direction. I’m spinning. I want to prepare, but I don’t know what I am preparing for.

And then I opened my devotional for today. The second Scripture for today is Isaiah 30:21. In case you don’t have that on memorized, here it is: “Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way your should go,’ whether to the right or to the left.” And then John10:27. “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

The devotional “Jesus Calling” was published in 2004. Two thousand four. Ten years ago. And yet, God knew that on November 17, 2014 a woman would need to read those exact words from the Word of God. That I would need to know that I didn’t have to figure it out. That all I needed to do was listen for His voice. That this season of uncertainty is no surprise to Him. That He would need to reach down and remind me of this and calm my spinning mind. “This is the way you should go. Follow me.”

Good one God! You got me!

Poverty mindset

When I was going to grad school, I was assigned to read an article about values in different socioeconomic groups. In all honesty, I rarely read much if any of the assigned reading in grad school. But I read this one. The article said that people in the higher range tended to value aesthetics, people in the middle class hard work, and those in the lower range were more interested in family connections. In fact, hard work was not valued because to them it didn’t make any difference.

Since I am solidly middle class with an almost unhealthy work ethic, this was puzzling to me. So I started making my own observations. What I found was very interesting. Hard work frequently paid off. But it didn’t always. Some times I could work hard and things still didn’t work the way they should. Other times I might drop the ball and things were just fine. Looking at it that way, it is easy to see how different people could come to believe such totally opposite things. It’s all in what we focus on.

I bring this up because it seems I have my own poverty mindset.  I frequently say, “I don’t have many friends,” or, “People like me until they get to know me.”  And I’ve come to realize that’s just not true.  While it is true that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, that could be true of just about everyone. (Except my mother-in-law who I can’t imagine anyone not just really loving.)  I had some pretty sad experiences growing up involving some ugly rejections.  And I have really and truly not fit in in many, many situations.  But does that mean that people don’t like me?  I don’t think so.

Recently I’ve had another experience of rejection.  And it hurt.  A lot.  But at the same time, because God is so good, I have had almost an embarrassment of riches in friend experiences.  Some I have initiated and some have been initiated by friends.  So, obviously the truth is that I do have friends.  And people do like me.  So why do I insist on say that I don’t and no one really likes me?

It’s that focus thing. I sometimes focus on how people rarely invite me to do things.  I see pictures of friends doing thing together on Facebook and I think, “Why aren’t I included?”  I may have a few weeks with no “friend activities,” and just get lonely.

So, I’ve been praying.  And this is what I’ve learned.  When someone rejects me, it’s really more about them than me.  Maybe I’m not a “problem.” Maybe there is something in them that is reacting to me.  Maybe it’s neither of our “faults.”  It just is.  Of course it goes the other way too.  Maybe there is something in me that is reacting to those folks who annoy me too.

I am an extrovert.  A bright red, flaming extrovert.  I talk to total strangers all. the. time.  In grocery stores.  In check out lines.  In restaurants.  And that means that I attract and am attracted to introverts.  Introverts often enjoy my energy.  (My husband said he married me because he never wanted to be bored.  And, after 32 years, he hasn’t. I’m not sure if that’s always good though.)  But introverts are unlikely to call and invite me to do things.  They just aren’t.  So, I have decided that it will just be mostly my job to do the inviting.

But there’s a catch.  I’m not very good at it….yet.  It’s a skill I will work on developing. So, I am on the look-out for things I can invite friends to do.  Go for a hike.  Go shopping.  Watch a movie.  See a play.  And little by little, I will unlearn my poverty mindset.  Because the truth really is that I am very, very rich.  I’m going to start living that reality.